Cris la Scris

I’m self-judgemental, and what?

We feel hungry. “We all have a hunger.”. We perceive many holes inside ourselves, holes that come with pain and dread, with fear and abandonment. We always feel like we should fill those holes with something more, that we should fill the emptiness in the stomach… or tensions in the body that hurt.

But what if we are already filled?

What if you are already complete? With all your fears, with all your lived agony, with all your flaws, but in the same time with all your braveness, with all your joy, with all your desires and dreams.

The epiphany that I had in the last time, even though it sounds clichee or abstract at some point, is that the lasting transformation of ourselves comes from the acceptance of the step we own already.

Acceptance works well to our subconscious, that relates with stories, images, that involves emotions… The subconscious is playful like a child and we should be its parent. If we fight against it, it will fight against us.

Unconsciously or more consciouly sometimes, I judge myself a lot.

Often people use to tell me: You are too hard on yourself and you are so self-judgemental!

After a while I’ve just reached the conclusion that: “Yes, ok, you are right, I’m self-judgemental, and what?”

The self-judgement is part of my personal story. It brought me here, at this point. I felt all that pain inside my body, I felt those holes from not being enough, I experienced them and I am trying to be thankful to them… because that’s fine.

I notice slights of beauty inside the scars that complete me. As Japanese people do with broken objects dear to them, I stick with gold the broken pieces of myself and they become more precious… ’cause they hide the experience and the precious story of a revival, of a transformation.

It’s fine to be self-judgemental, feel the hunger, take it, be aware of the benefits of it and explore them and their limits! Be friend with it when it comes into your life. It’s like an old friend, it was beside you in tough moments and you sometimes rejected it, just because you judged the self-judgement itself. It’s not something bad.

Didn’t self-judgement make you evolve until now in your way? Didn’t self-judgement make you perform in some areas? Wasn’t self-judgement beside you in those dark times? Couldn’t you say thank you to everything it was brought to you by self-judgement?

What are the gifts that self-judgement brought to you? Tell your story and share it!



adauga raspuns